On our first two days, we explored how fathers are like superheroes.
Fathers serve as role models to their children, exercising superpowers such as affirmation, generosity, and compassion.
But many of us fathers are not living exercising our gifts well.
Why?
The answer: Wounds.
The most intriguing superheroes have wounds.
The planet Krypton exploded and made Superman an orphan.
Batman witnessed his parents’ murder.
Spider-Man was also an orphan whose uncle was killed due to his failure to act.
Luke Skywalker’s hand was cut off.
Harry Potter had a scar on his head.
These wounds potentially can turn the hero into a villain.
Wounds can create resentment, anger, hatred, a desire for revenge, bitterness, self-pity, or even violence.
Every hero must face his demons, work through his pain, and heal.
It is through this process that the victim is transformed and discovers his superpowers.
All fathers have wounds.
They may have experienced childhood abuse or neglect.
They may have been bullied.
Their parents may have divorced.
They may have lost a loved one.
There are many kinds of wounds.
Many men experience a particular type of wound known as a “father wound.”
Such wounds come from a man’s father.
Their fathers may have failed to affirm, be generous, or show compassion to them.
Other fathers may have failed to notice their sons, or constantly criticized them.
And still other fathers were completely absent.
Knowingly or not, these poor fathers allowed their own wounds to turn them into supervillains before the eyes of their sons.
And now, their sons are fathers that carry these wounds.
But these young fathers do not have to pass such wounds onto their sons as well.
When your father is a supervillain, it can be difficult to give what you didn’t receive.
It is important to do three things: 1) find good role models, 2) heal your own wounds, and 3) practice the superpowers of affirmation, generosity, and compassion.
Let’s look at each of these.
- Some good father role models exist in literature and other media.
Many people see Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird as a good father.
Mufasa from The Lion King embodies a kind and loving father, as does Jonathan Kent, Superman’s adopted father.
Many of us have had a teacher, coach, or pastor who has embodied a positive fatherly presence.
We can ask ourselves, “What makes that person a good fatherly role model?” then practice these qualities in our own lives. - We may also need to seek help to heal our own wounds, whether by seeing a professional counselor, receiving spiritual direction, or bringing together a fraternity of men that meet together regularly.
We can’t do this alone.
We can read self-help books and journal and pray, but we still need others to support us and guide us. - We also need to practice our superpowers.
We can put our powers into action by looking for opportunities to affirm.
Instead of finding fault, we can watch for good qualities in others, purposefully and positively commenting on them, and then stopping to notice the reaction we receive.
If our efforts are authentic, people will typically warm to a positive affirmation, an act of generosity, or a compassionate gesture.
When we exercise these superpowers, we choose not to transmit the pain we’ve received; we instead choose to transform that pain into something good and beautiful to hand onto our children.
In your time of silent prayer today, ask the Lord to reveal some of your wounds to you.
Then be still and allow the loving Father to give you the courage to take a step towards the healing you need.
